The First Steps to Self Acceptance

You acknowledge both your strengths and weaknesses, and still love yourself just as you are. You are worthy of the same affection and attention you give to others. You take care of yourself and make time to do things that make you happy.

If you read those words and don’t believe them, then you may be struggling with self-acceptance. This article will help you take the first steps to accepting yourself fully and completely. Self-acceptance is an area of self-development that I work on constantly, and I use these tools daily to get rid of negative self-talk and view myself in a more positive light. When practiced regularly, these steps will change your thought patterns so that you feel comfortable in your own skin and free to be yourself. Read on to get started!

Repeat positive affirmations at key times

Do affirmations throughout the day at times when they’re most likely to sink in and be most effective. Try to get into a routine of repeating positive affirmations right before bed, as you feel yourself drifting off to sleep. This is the time when they are most likely to become engrained into your subconscious, as your brain will process these beliefs as you sleep. Get into the habit of doing those same affirmations in the morning while you’re looking in the mirror and getting ready. Affirmations are more effective and powerful if you are looking yourself in the eyes while saying or thinking them. Plus, this is a time when you are likely to start picking apart your appearance and start having negative thoughts about yourself. Starting with positive affirmations prevents those harmful thoughts and boosts your confidence, inspiring you for the day ahead! When it comes to self-acceptance, the affirmations that work best for me are:

I am safe.

I am loved.

I am comfortable in my own skin.

I am free.

I accept myself exactly as I am.

You can use these for yourself, or come up with your own. Make sure to use words that speak to you personally, and make you feel the most at peace.

Distance yourself from negative thoughts, and replace them with positive ones

A critical component of self-acceptance is self-awareness. Instead of passively letting your thoughts control you, notice when you are being mean to yourself. If we automatically think negatively about ourselves and aren’t aware that we’re doing it, then there is no way to intervene. If it would hurt you coming from someone else, then you shouldn’t be saying it to yourself. Practice catching yourself when you think something that hurts you.

Every time you become aware you’re having a negative thought, immediately replace it with something positive. It could be something as simple as, “I am kind” or “I am a loyal friend.” Push the negativity out, and bring the positivity in.

Another common psychotherapy technique is to watch and label your negative thoughts. The point of this exercise is to see unhelpful thoughts as “other,” and not as a part of you. Don’t judge yourself, just observe: “I am having the thought that I am a bad mother.” “I am having the thought that I don’t like my body.” Imagine what that thought would look like, and give it a color and shape. This will help create distance between you and the thought.

Remember that our thoughts are biased. They are often based on past negative beliefs or experiences, and are not an accurate reflection of who you are. Just because you think it, doesn’t mean it’s true.

Recognize that what others have said about you is a projection of themselves

If you are having a hard time accepting yourself because of what people have said about you in the past, you need to recognize this fact: If those people didn’t feel that they were flawed and were 100% comfortable with themselves, they wouldn’t have said anything in the first place. They wouldn’t have felt the need to make someone else feel less than. It’s easy for us to internalize others’ harsh words, and even become slightly traumatized from them. But once you realize that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them, they will hold far less power. As the old cliche goes, hurt people hurt people. Give yourself permission to not take anybody else’s harsh, unhelpful criticisms of you seriously. You are who you believe you are, not who damaged people want you to believe you are.

Speak to yourself the same way you would speak to a child

If a child was feeling insecure about their body, would you point out all of their flaws while they looked in the mirror? If they felt like they weren’t smart enough, would you continue to call them stupid? You (hopefully) wouldn’t berate a 3-year-old for feeling down on themselves. You would probably get viscerally upset that they were talking to themselves that way, and encourage them to accept themselves. Maybe you would tell them that they are perfect as they are, that they are beautiful, that they are intelligent, and that they can do anything they set their minds to. You deserve the same kindness. Speak to yourself with the same gentleness and encouraging words that you would offer to a child.

Be grateful for the things you hate about yourself 

This one can be tough at first, but try to understand and have gratitude for the things you dislike about your body or mind. For example, if you have anxiety, you may hate that you feel stressed out and overwhelmed. You may think, what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just relax? Instead, try framing it in a different way. Everyone has felt anxiety at one point or another, and it is a natural emotion that serves an important purpose for humans. Anxiety makes us hyperaware of potential threats, and puts us in a state where we are ready to respond and protect ourselves. Try to feel grateful that you are able to experience this emotion, and understand that anxiety is actually helpful and important at appropriate times. You can then let it go by thinking, I understand that this is my body’s way of trying to help me prepare for dangerous situations, but this is not helpful to me right now. After accepting the emotions you’re experiencing, try an anxiety relief exercise. When you fight against unpleasant emotions, it only magnifies them. Accepting your feelings not only helps with self-acceptance, but will drastically improve your mental health.

As for physical “imperfections,” try to see them for the purpose they serve and not just the negative way you perceive them. You could view a scar as a mark on your body that you think is unattractive. Or, you could view it as your body’s amazing mechanism for healing damaged skin, all by itself. You could view sun spots on your face as a nuisance, or as something that your body produced to help and protect you from harmful UV exposure. Framing things this way will help you accept everything yourself, inside and out. Even while you are working to improve yourself, you can still appreciate yourself as you are now. Work with your mind and body, not against it.

Make a commitment to yourself 

You can read articles like this and do affirmations all day long, but if you truly want to experience a change, you have to take action and put these tips into practice! Make a tangible commitment to improving yourself as soon as you finish reading this article. Get someone to hold you accountable for doing these things and making progress. Budget and invest in a therapist or coach if you are able. Make post-it notes of your affirmations and stick them to your work calendar. Write down the steps from this article in your phone so that you can come back to them and practice them daily. Put as much effort into self-acceptance as you do the other people and responsibilities in your life. Prove to yourself that you are worth it: do whatever helps you stick to your self-acceptance goals so that you take action and start seeing results.

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